Last Slice

 

What does it mean to say self-consciousness is an expression of desire? Does that mean to be acutely self-aware is incredibly narcissist? When there is one piece of cake left on the table, looking at it constitutes for me an expression of desire. I look around the room to see if such desire manifests amongst the rest. There is a point beyond which everyone’s collective reluctance to be the person who acts on that desire reaches critical mass and you just know it is going to sit there for the rest of the night. I do not know how everyone perceives this. I know I am weighing my desire to eat that cake against my desire to maintain an image of mine in the minds of those around me. I do not know the details of this image; I do not even think they would register me going for that slice, let alone draw conclusions from it. I would not. The only thing I know for sure is that a not dissimilar thought process goes through the minds of the rest of them. Of course, I am also weighing other more specific factors: is that someone’s favourite dessert, is there a child on the table, are we celebrating someone, and so on. But on a more abstract level, going for the last piece is a lot about your perception of desire and your desire to be seen a certain way. It is difficult to argue for living life unexamined, but there are only so many things that can go under a microscope. And it does appear incredibly narcissist if every slide comes from the same source.